Updated: Jan 14
The BOOBY TRAPPED GIFT is a silent manipulation that covertly arrives wrapped up nice and neat with a bow around it, easily making it's way into our lives, because we all have been conditioned to always ACCEPT and BE GRATEFUL of a gift that is given to us even if we don't like it. If we choose not accept a gift from someone because we don't want to, or we are simply honest after they give it to us in telling them that we don't like it, we are labelled a rude, inconsiderate person who is being abusive to the gifter who is viewed as trying to be loving and kind to us. A witch hunt can be formed against us for not liking the gift or refusing to accept it.
It is such a practiced behavior to always accept a gift and to express gratitude for it that we even teach it to our children. But sometimes there's more behind the gift that was given to us when we choose to blindly accept it. The power of that gift may not stop there.
The booby trapped gift isn't visible to the human eye. Neither does it go bang when we open the box. The booby trap of the gift is patiently played out later by the gifter, sometimes long after the gift was given. Even if the gift is forgotten about, the fact that the gifter "gave" us a gift will always exist. It will hold power like a credit card that the gifter can cash in on later. This type of manipulating gifter will mangle the gratitude of the person that he gifted into guilt, that will allow the gifter to demand return of the favor on terms that outweigh the true value of the gift. The person who accepted the gift may do something that he would never had done before if he, or she hadn't accepted the gift.
We must be cautious of who we accept gifts from because we may be accepting an un-agreed debt with it. Sadly many people use the act of "gifting" to put others in debt to them and under their control. The secret debts created by gifters can stem from spending unwanted time with them to doing inappropriate deeds. Women and children are targeted with gifts by abusive predators who won't take no for an answer. Even if the person that they target disagrees to what they want in return, this type of gifter will view the accepted gift as a "payment" and may lash out and force what he or she wants.
A more settle but still harmful manipulation of the booby trap gifter is the expectation of loyalty. I personally have dealt with gifters who expected me to allow them to publicly belittle or humiliate me as payment. The debt that they secretly created without my permission was to boost their social status by saying things to me in front of others that they would never dare to say. Of course this never worked out for any of these manipulators and after I had put them in their place, they would attempt to convince me that their gift had somehow bettered our friendship into one where they should be able to mistreat me without my getting angry. Boy had they made the mistake of their life.
The Booby Trapped Gift has a reverse function that can activate when WE are the gifter. We can innocently gift another person who's response to our gesture ends up as a booby trap for us. When we gift someone, the gesture could be taken wrong by them. They may assume that we mean the gift in a way that we don't such as; being attracted to them in a way that we aren't: wanting a commitment that we don't: apologizing for something that we aren't; trying to manipulate them somehow; or even insulting them in some way. Additionally, if the person that we gift is in an intimate relationship with another, he or she could take our gifting gesture as a sexual advance, or worse, it can offend his or her partner. Therefor, we must also beware gifting out Booby Trapped Gifts.
To assure that we never become one who corrupts the benevolence of gifting, we should set rules for ourselves when dealing with gifts. Here are "10 Rules of Gifting" that I use to keep myself proper when passing presents:
10 RULES of GIFTING
Don't accept gifts from someone that I don't trust.
Don't GIVE gifts to someone that I don't trust.
Don't gift associates who are in intimate relationships.
Gift back the person who gifts me asap.
Be honest about liking or disliking a gift. Never patronize or insult.
Don't pressure a response from the person that I gift.
Don't demand gifter to open or show received gift.
Never gift with expectations of any type of return for gifting.
Issue gifts in private to gifter. Allow gifter choice to display gift to others or not.
Never compete in gift value against anyone.
The intent behind giving a gift to someone is to allow them a moment to feel special, comfortable, safe, and happy through the gift that we offer. For this intent to occur, we must assure that we haven't attached any self serving strings to it. It must be given with a pure mind and heart so the meaning behind our gift isn't sullied.
When we are able to gift a person that we care for, it is a very special moment for us. It is when we are living well enough to consider the desires of another before our own, and take the steps to make it come true for them. We must have just as much gratitude for being able to give a gift, as we do when we receive one. And we all must jointly protect the merit of gifting by banishing the existence of any self serving intentions when giving and receiving a gift.
And THIS, ...is a "way" of the "Warrior's Edge"! -Jermaine Andre'