Updated: Feb 26
"I'm sorry. Well I said I was #$cking sorry! Quit being an @$$hole about it!"
I'm sure that you have either heard or said this many times within your life. Saying "I'm sorry" has been secretly anointed as the way for a person who does another person wrong, to make it right by simply saying something. And if the person who was wronged doesn't accept these simple words as payment, the person who wronged the innocent person becomes the "right" person in the situation and even has the right to be angry at the person that he or she wronged, AND can turn others against the person who won't accept their (probably insincere) apology! Are you hearing me now?
I can recall a situation in my life where a friend executed a mass of labor work for the business of myself and a few partners. The business didn't do well so there was no money made. We never even made it near getting our bills paid so there was no money to go around as payroll to ourselves or anyone else. When I informed my friend who worked his but off for me that I didn't have any money to pay him, there was no sorry involved. This is what I said.
"Hey man. The business has been doing horrible & every dime that we've been making has been getting eaten up by bills to stay open. I don't have any grip to give you right now but you can have my Toyota Supra. I'll sign it over to you and you can either keep it as is and drive it, or sell it for money. "
For clarification, my Toyota Supra was a souped up little bad boy that was my favorite car worth more than my company owed my friend. I had spent a lot of my money building out this car. However, at during this moment, that didn't matter. There was something more valuable at stake when I couldn't come through like I was supposed to, and I played part in something that was harming an outside person. My integrity, word and a human relationship was at stake. That was worth far more than any car that I owned and saying, "I'm sorry" wasn't valuable enough to satisfy the heavens.
When I noticed that I had done something that positioned me to "feel" as if I needed to say sorry, that meant I owed far more than a few childish words. I owed a heavy dept! So I came with a payment that was equal or above the value of the harm that I had done and offered it to bring justice to the one that I had wronged. I even begged him to take it. And for the record he was such a good friend, he did not take it. He took the hit with my associates and I and even kept working for me when needed.
Whenever we say, "I'm sorry", we are basically calling OURSELF "sorry", which is calling ourself PATHETIC! Think about what we are saying. "I'm sorry." ..."I'm pathetic." This does not help the person that we harmed, neither is it healthy or productive for us. Instead of being pathetic, we need to seize control of the situation with confidence, and make things right by saying, "What can I do to make this right!?" then OVERDELIVER to balance our mistake and rekindle the relationship.
Simply being sorry means that the harm from the problem still exists. And agree with me or not, this problem is "us" for thinking that we can cure a bad deed with simple words. When making a mistake don't say sorry and remain an existing problem. Be proud and become the solution! Bring a payment that makes people HOPE that you will do something wrong again and have to compensate them for it. Trust me. You won't be sorry for it.
...and this is a way of the "Warrior's Edge"